We're Jammin'

"YOU were weaned on cauliflower cheese," my mum always tells me, when I wrinkle my nose up at the old choufleur.
Think it must have been a cauliflower overload, cos I can't stand the stuff now.
So, it will be as big of a surprise to my mother, as it was to me, that I order cauliflower soup at the start of a meal at Birmingham's Jam House last night.
I think it was the magic word 'cumin' that sold it to me. It's currently my favourite spice girl, after Posh and Ginger.
Lovely soup, it was too, creamy and smooth, although I was disappointed that the cauliflower pakora served on top was burnt so tasted bitter.
My dining companions seemed happy with their food choices, although one remarked his pate looked like brains, and was upset that the dish featured no Cumberland sausage, although it turned out he'd misread the menu, and it was Cumberland sauce.
My main course was less of a triumph. The confit fillet of seabass was a bit flabby, and the warm tartare sauce lacked punch. An accompanying quinelle of saffron mash tasted antiseptic. I was glad I ordered a side salad of watercress, rocket and Parmesan, which added much-needed crunch and texture.
My pal whopped down her salmon, which she said was perfectly cooked, and the two gents enjoyed their steaks topped with cafe de Paris butter, and served with super chips. The chips were so good in fact, we ordered another bowl to share.
Extra chips meant sorbet for pud, although it was luscious peach. I barely noticed as my pals tucked into blackberry creme brulee, chocolate brownie with rum and raisin icecream, and an assiette of desserts for two (eaten by one). Barely.
Food is well presented but pricey (£28 for three courses) and although on this particular night we were treated to a performance from Mica Paris.
I feel they'd be better to focus on simpler fare, cut the prices a little and trade on the venue's fantastic atmosphere.
For more details go to www.jamhouse.com

All You Need is Love (s)

'ALL you need is love', sang the Beatles.
None a truer word spoken. Especially on your birthday.
And while I was lucky enough to be lavished with love on my birthday, I was also treated to a meal at Loves, Birmingham's newest fine dining restaurant - and that was rather good too.
The boy and I visited when the restaurant, situated on Canal Square, was just ten days old, but with slick service there was little evidence (apart from maitre d' Claire Love's sheer excitement) of its infancy.
An amouse bouche of butternut squash and goat's cheese foam was exemplary, as was the fresh bread.
I opted for the starter of tuna sashimi and beetroot, although i was informed early on that the tuna had been replaced by crayfish. I was happy either way, and the flavours were as sublime as the presentation.
The boy adored his Jerusalem artichoke risotto which was light but still unctuous and creamy.
A smooth and fruity Riesling accompanied our starters well, but also proved complimentary to our mains; mine of tender venison, and his of halibut with langoustine.
A cute copper-bottomed saucepan of creamy mashed potato was a welcome addition to the table, seeing as the portions are fairly dinky.
As I was the birthday girl, a chocolate dessert was the order of the day which - once again - tasted superb. Meanwhile, the boy failed to share his poached pineapple and coconut, a sure sign of his delight.
Perfect handmade petit fours and good decaf coffee rounded off a perfect evening.
Loves opened too late to gain entry into the Michelin, or Good Food guides.
However, Claire told us that she and husband chef Steve were glad of their timing because it would give them time to settle in before the next round of inspector's visits.
If Loves fails to get a Michelin star next year, I'll eat my hat.
To book a table go to www.loves-restaurant.co.uk or call 0121 454 5151

Everyone's a Winner

LUDLOW food festival, and the annual excuse to binge-eat on morsels of the best food Shropshire and the surrounding counties have to offer.
This year was no different, except the festival's growing reputation, with the addition of sunshine to rival the Costa Del Sol, meant that fellow foodies turned out in their tens of thousands to do the same.
So, it was time for the elbows to make a guest appearance in order to muscle my way to foodie heaven.
No one else stood a chance.
After a day of a style of cramming I haven't done since I sat my GCSEs (13 years ago...) I have decided to hand out the following fun awards....

Most Generous Supplier of Free Samples....
WINNER: Artisan baker Richard C Swift
VERDICT: A lot of dough before you part with your dough

Least Palatable Sample....
WINNER: Muesli by Pimhill Farm Organic
VERDICT: Cute packaging, but dry muesli tastes like sawdust

Stall Most Likely to Turn You Veggie
WINNER: Mandy and Alan's Fab Foods
VERDICT: Go nuts for their nut roasts and crackers for their cheesecakes

Perfect Pocket Money Purchase
WINNER: September Organic mini cones of icecream (50p)
VERDICT: Too small for Cone-an the Barbarian

Most Creative Chutney in a Sea on Red Onion Marmalades
WINNER: Thai peach with Lemongrass and Ginger by Farmhouse Pantry
VERDICT: Fruitier than a Bangkok lady boy

Did you go? Let me know what your favourite/least favourite stalls were and why....

Read more about my Ludlow adventure, and see more pictures, at www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk/news--events

Let them eat cake

IF YOU really need an excuse to enjoy a slice of cake and a brew, then Friday, September 25 should be it.
Macmillan Cancer Support is holding its annual Biggest Coffee Morning in the World event and one of Brum's newest coffee shops it getting in on the act.
Miss Latte, at 245 Broad Street, which has taken the old Del Villaggio deli premises, is hosting an all day coffee morning in aid of the cause.
I'll definitely be popping along because, along with the bonus of helping a very worthwhile, it's an opportunity to nose around this new addition to Brum's cafe culture scene (and eat cake guilt-free).
Miss Latte spokeswoman Anita Champaneri says: "Please come with a smile and make a small donation to Macmillan Cancer Support."
For more details on the charity, or to find your nearest event click here.
Are you attending one of the charity's fundraising coffee mornings? Or maybe hosting your own? Let me know....

All roads lead to...

THEY say all roads lead to Rome.
Well, I say that all roads lead to Birmingham. Because no matter where I am in the world, from Norwich to New York, I am guaranteed to bump into someone from Brum.
And a recent meal at Napa restaurant at the Chiswick Moran Hotel in west London proved no exception.
On introduction, it transpired that Napa's restaurant manager - an Italian named Mark - had arrived in Chiswick from Perry Barr, Birmingham, via a stint at the Watford Gap services. Small world, eh?
While swapping second city tales, Mark helped the boy and I select a wine to accompany our meal, recommending a light Cotes de Provence rose to compliment my cod and the boy's steak.
Rose seemed the fitting wine too, as Napa's interior has a funky '70s feel, which is also reflected in the menu with dishes such as 'open' beef Wellington and steak Diane.
I opted for a 'classic' Napa starter of crayfish and prawn cocktail, which had it been served in a frilly-edged glass goblet, would have been right out of a Fanny Craddock cookbook.
Served instead in lettuce leaf shells, the seafood was succulent and Marie Rose dressing nicely spiced. Accompanying homemade breads were excellent, with a lovely open texture.
The boy's tian of white Dorset crab with avocado and tomato dressing 'tasted a lot better than it looked'. He also commented on the freshness of the seafood.
He was equally impressed by the 'medium' cooking of his steak, although his hand-cut chips were undercooked.
My fillet of cod on saffron-crushed potatoes with mussels and tomato beurre blanc exceeded expectations, while some accompanying green beans still had good crunch.
The boy's Eton mess was packed with fruit and deliciously creamy, while my passion fruit sorbet a good palate cleanser.
Sadly, prices aren't based in the '70s, with main course dishes averaging about £15, but Napa is worth a try if you are in this neck of the woods.
Napa is currently offering 50 per cent off your food bill until September 30. Click here to download the voucher.

Kai, Mayfair

IN my experience really great meals fall into two categories.

There are those which at the time were sublime, but afterwards evaporate into the darkest confines of your memory, only to be revisited in a moment of reminiscence.

Then there are those - relatively few - dining experiences where the tastes are so incredible that they will linger on your lips forever and, no matter where you are in the world, you will hanker after a return visit.

While I know there are a million more food experiences to be had, I will always lust after one more taste of what can only be described as a crispy onion pancake that we ate in House of Nanking in San Francisco.

Food memories like that don't discriminate; they can take place in roadside shacks or prince's palaces.

It just so happens however, that my most recent such experience took place in the very stylish Kai in Mayfair.

Kai is one of only three Michelin star Chinese restaurants in London. So good is the food that I fear every other Chinese meal I now eat will pale into insignificance.

Unlike many such celebrated establishments, there is no stuffiness and diners seemed to delight in being able to tuck into communal dishes.

We started with Kai's signature starter of Wasabi Prawns, which our waiter assured us was 'not too spicy, as it was a special recipe devised by the chef'.

He also told us that during Kai's recent participation in Taste of London festival, they traded more than 1,000 portions of this dish.

It's easy to see why. The jumbo prawns were delicately cooked and coated in just the right amount of creamy, 'not too spicy' wasabi dressing, as well a tiny flecks of chopped fresh ginger. The boy and I agreed it was a taste revelation.

We also tucked into canapes of prawn toasts and aromatic crispy duck - both excellent examples of classic Chinese fare, while enjoying a bottle of Dr Loosen Riesling recommended by our sommelier.

However, the food really came into its own for our main courses of chicken and cashew nuts and aubergines stuffed with minced prawns.

The sauce coating the chicken was deep, dark and rich with a good kick from the sundried chillis - a million miles from the MSG-laden gloop you'd find in your bog standard Oriental sauce.

And the prawn-stuffed aubergines was a superbly inventive dish, combining the smokiness of the vegetable and sweetness of prime seafood in a pulse-rich black bean sauce.

Even our waiter admitted he was dubious about the dish until he tried it.

Ginger and sesame oil, and coriander fragranced rice, were subtle yet stunningly delicious side dishes.

Puddings were zingy pineapple carpaccio with lime, lychees and lemongrass syrup, and another Kai signature dish of pumpkin cream with purple rice and coconut icecream - an intelligent dessert deconstructing the elements of a pumpkin soup and turning it into a divine velvety dessert.

Some of the prices on the Kai menu may leave you breathless, but the quality of ingredients, intelligence of the cooking and -most unusually - the generosity of the portions, make them justifiable.

This is what food memories are made of.

For more details go to www.kaimayfair.co.uk

Festival Feasting

THE beauty of music festivals isn't just the fact that they attract a melting pot of people and a mix of top bands - but that during a three-day event, you can pretty much eat your way around the world.
Gone are the days when the only food you can get to soak up the ale is a greasy burger; and the nearest you get to a taste of the exotic is a box of oily, lukewarm noodles.
Now festival-goers need not face those Portaloos with tummies in turmoil, thanks to a plethora of food traders descending on music events to cash in on the demand for better quality grub.
We spent Sunday at the V Festival at Weston Park, Staffordshire, meeting up with friends who had camped there - and managed to sample some of the tasty fare on offer.
I am guessing there were more than 50 stalls dotted across the site selling every nationality of food from Thai beef curries to cheesy Mexican burritos.
My friends and I found a window to dine in between sets by The Noisettes and Dizzee Rascal.
Choosing what to tuck into proved tough and I almost admitted defeat to a chargrilled goat's cheese and aubergine burger, but instead held out for a delicious wholemeal pitta bread, stuffed with falafels, salad with tahini-dressed salad, topped in hummus.
Using the logic that it was the Sabbath, the Boy opted for bangers in a giant Yorkshire pudding filled with mash and gravy - figuring that it was the closest thing he could find to a Sunday roast.
One of his pals chose sweet and sour chicken with noodles and a spring roll, while another opted for an interesting (no doubt hangover-induced) combintaion of chicken chow mein with lashings of curry sauce.
However, had our palates been after something a little more refined, there was a seafood tent selling fresh langoustines, oysters and mussels, and plenty of others trading organic burgers such as Aberdeen Angus, buffalo and minted lamb. Organic chocolate brownies, carrot cake and apricot slice were available in the 'V Healthy' arena, along with smoothies, soups and dhals.
What's you favourite festival fare? Let me know...

In Mint Condition

I HAD the privilege of eating at Mint last night, which reopens its doors to the public tonight.
The Sutton Coldfield restaurant was forced to shut after being flooded but, after a bit of a revamp, it's ready to feed the chic set once again.
I was one of the select few to sample some of the new dishes on the menu in a seven-course tasting extravaganza.
It's an attractive little restaurant - both inside and out; the interior wouldn't look out of place in a boutique hotel and it's menu aspires to match its stylish, modern decor.
Seared scallops with a salt cod brandade with lemon puree provided a punchy start to our meal. Personally I found that the lemon slightly overpowered the delicate scallop, although the petite brandade was flavoursome and delightfully crisp.
A portion of wonderfully succulent pigeon, served with pomegranates and cabbage followed, and proved the best course of the evening. The meat was juicy and perfectly cooked
However, the delight at this course was overshadowed by the disappointment of the next. A deconstructed tuna Nicoise was a nice idea but just didn't work.
The flavour of the tuna carpaccio (which had been coated in a layer of star anise) was lost beneath a quinelle of salty tapenade, an anchovy, a quail's egg topped in spicy cayenne, while the barely cooked cubes of potatoes added nothing.
Similarly undercooked vegetables were served with the cannon of lamb; while I like al dente, the baby onions were unpleasantly hard, as were the veggies in the ratatouille. However, the perfectly pink lamb was tender, but unnecessarily wrapped in a layer of chicken and herb mousse.
A pre-dessert of elderflower jelly trifle was subtle, while the main event - a treacle tart with vanilla icecream - was a little too tart for my tastebuds, although I appreciated the good, short pastry.
Due to the nature of the evening, and all tables arriving at the same time, service was a little slow, however this was more than compensated by friendly and helpful staff.
Mint has commendably high aspirations, which are often met - a few tweaks and it'll be right on the money!
For more details in Mint go to www.mint-restaurant.co.uk

Hit and Miss

WE went out to La Tasca, Broad Street, clutching one of those vouchers promising fifty per cent off your food bill.
Unlike many other money-off vouchers it can be redeemed all day, every day, so cut-price food on a Saturday night seemed like too good an opportunity to miss.
However, it was rather fortunate we only paid for half our food because while some of it was tapas-tastic, the rest feel short of the mark.
Here's what my party of three ordered, and how we rated it...

• Bread and olives: Bread was fresh and absorbed dipping oil and balsamic vinegar (more Italian than Spanish) well, black olives were a little too soft, but the boy rated the green ones
• Langostinos a la plancha: Juicy grilled prawns with sea salt and lemon. A bit troublesome to peel, despite being properly cooked, but worth the effort
• Pescado Blanco Frito: Good, crisp batter encased slightly over-cooked non-specified white fish. Mayonnaise lacked flavour so overall the dish lacked significance
  
• Calamares Andaluza: A little cold, a little chewy, but still one of my favourite dishes of the evening
• Albondigas a la jardinera: Light, bouncy meatballs made of pork and beef in tomato sauce. Could have eaten double
• Berenjenas gratinadas: Disappointingly watery aubergines in a thin tomato sauce, topped in a teaspoon of cheese
• Champinones al ajillo: I was reliably informed that these garlic mushrooms were a big hit
• Pimento Romano: Half a Romano pepper stuffed with some undecipherable vegetables and cous-cous (allegedly). Give this dish a wide berth
• Ensalada de espinacas et aguacate: Unremarkable mix of spinach, cucumber, white onion and avocado. At least the avocado was ripe
• Paella de verduras: Vegetable paella lacked any real pizazz but had comforting texture and a nice range of veggies
• Gambas gabardina: Deep fried prawns with light batter tasted fresh and delicious

VERDICT: Without the voucher our bill would have nudged almost 70 quid (including a bottle of fruity red), but with half price food, £45 made it all together more palatable. On the plus side, the atmosphere was lively and the service welcoming!

What's your favourite tapas dish? Let me know

Packaged Perfection

THE boy and I would probably argue over who knew about Daylesford Organic first.
He claims to have pointed it out in an article in the Sunday Times Style magazine yonks ago; I say I knew about it way before then. Like before he was born (after all, I am two years older).
Whatever the case, I think it's a given that we both wanted to go.
So on our way to the Noel Arms hotel we took a minor detour to Daylesford, a tiny countryside hamlet just outside Stow-on-the-Wold.
Daylesford Organic is essentially a farm shop with knobs on; a super chic farm shop which has been exquisitely branded.
But was it going to be a case of style over substance?
Having recently purchased some Daylesford Organic strawberry jam in Harvey Nichols, and finding it distinctly average, I had began to wonder.
When we pulled up in the car park, I was relieved we'd travelled in the Big Boy car. My little silver car would not have fared well against all those ginormous 4x4s and plush Jaguars. How I wish I'd worn my wellies!
Packed to the rafters with posh people wot lunch, we had to wait half an hour for a table in the cafe which, at 2.30pm, was drawing to the end of its lunch service.
We managed to cram in a few tasters in the shop while we waited, namely some delicious organic cheeses, raspberry vodka (syrupy, but never good on an empty tum) and bread dipped in fruity olive oil.
Seated in the upstairs of the cafe, we ordered hastily, our tummies grumbling.
To quell our hunger we nibbled on a plate of fresh bread, dipped in more lucious green olive oil. I scorned the boy for allowing his bread to soak up more than his fair share - it really was that good.
He chose the pork loin on a bed of shaved fennel with aioli, and while it's £12.95 price tag seemed steep, he was not disappointed when the huge hunk of pork with crackling arrived.
It was stuffed with fresh herbs and beautifully soft, although the boy said it could have been even more tender.
I opted for the grilled nectarine, mozarrella and mint salad with vanilla oil, and was similarly delighted.
The cheese was soft and unctuous while the fruit rich and sweet. The vanilla seed-studded oil was surprisingly complimentary.
Afterwards we ventured downstairs where the boy couldn't resist a slice of freshly baked Earl Grey fruit cake from the bakery section for pud.
The slice was elegantly packaged in a cute individual box and we scoffed it in the car on the way to our hotel. It was a good, moist fruit cake, nothing more.
And if I could summerise our Daylesford Organic experience it would be that boxed fruit cake; elegantly packaged and all-round delightful, but with no real surprises.

Trip down Memory Lane

WHEN I was a little girl sunny Sunday afternoons were often spent pottering round the Cotswolds village of Broadway.
Then the Scandinavians invaded, and our cream teas and browse around the Edinburgh Woolen Mill was replaced with trips to Ikea and - more often than not - a plate of meatballs.
So our weekend trip to the Cotswolds was not only delightful, but delightfully nostalgic.
Our night away was spent at the newly refurbished Noel Arms in Chipping Campden, just a few miles from Broadway; its quirky little High Street flanked in the same yellow Cotswold stone buildings.
Despite boasting just 28 rooms, the Noel Arms has a cosy pub, coffee shop and restaurant, and staff welcomed us warmly.
Our room was so 'new' (just six weeks since refurbishment) the smell of fresh paint still lingered. It's roll top bath and luxurious wet-room style shower were particularly impressive.
After exploring the picturesque village - regularly billed as one of the prettiest in the Cotswolds - we took dinner in the restaurant.
Service was relaxed but staff were impressively well-informed about the menu, and origin of ingredients.
I was sold even before I'd ordered, following the delivery of a basket of still-warm homemade bread. Id' have happily dined on that and that alone.
However, since the bread basket and the butter pat wasn't limitless I opted for a starter of hummus served with crisp aubergines and yogurt, while the boy chose the tomato and celery soup.
The hummus was good and chunky. complementing the crispy fried aubergines and cool yogurt dressing. Tomatoes scattered with olives, red onion and capers added piquancy.
The other half, who doesn't normally like celery, raved about the soup - the usually bitter vegetable in its raw state adding vibrancy and depth to the tomato flavour.
Our main courses looked as if they'd been sent from different kitchens; my chicken breast with sage and butter gnocchi was a rustic affair, although nothing I couldn't have knocked up at home (and I'm no Nigella).
Meanwhile, the boy's pan-fried guinea fowl with sausage of leg meat, potato rosti and rich pomegranate-studded sauce was a more sophisticated affair and wouldn't have looked, or tasted, out of place in a top-class restaurant.
He pronounced it one of the best main course dishes he'd had in ages, following it with a well presented board of local cheeses including Double Gloucester and Cotswold Blue.
Struggling, after mountains of bread, and then gnocchi, I opted for the zingy passionfruit sorbet, delicately garnished in crumbled shortbread and redcurrants.
The following morning we ate breakfast in the conservatory.
The boy enjoyed his poached eggs, sausage, tomato and bacon, although was miffed that the menu specified the bacon was 'rindless' when it was not.
I tucked into Cotswold yogurt, fresh fruit and honey, as well as toast spread with quality jam.
Although our stay was only brief, it was most relaxing and enjoyable.
For more details on the Noel Arms visit www.noelarmshotel.com

Thai-mes have changed

THEY say the true test of a relationship is your first holiday together.
If you can survive that, then you can survive anything.
Not ones to do things by half, when the boy and I first started dating we decided the perfect test of our blossoming relationship was a two-week trip around Thailand.
He'd never flown before, I'd only holidayed in the Med and North Africa. It was leap into the unknown.
However, it was a fantastic trip; we visited golden temples, tropical beaches and trawled night markets.
My only regret was that I was an unadventurous eater, ordering the ubiquitous Thai green chicken curry at every turn.
Seven years on and many adventures later, how things have changed.
We are still as happy as ever, but I'd like to think I have more of a palate for the exotic.
In fact, during a delightful Sunday lunch at Thai Edge, I gave the Thai green curry a wide berth.
That's not to say, it wasn't good. The boy - an ever adventurous eater - reported that it was delicious!
The tranquil Oozels Square restaurant offers a Sabbath buffet lunch for the value-for-money price of £12.90 per person.
Unlike many other buffets (and I have an extensive knowledge), the presentation of the food is not sacrificed; every dish is just as beautiful as the delicate, poised staff.
I tucked into the superb salads; the seafood salad, featuring jumbo prawns and lightly-cooked squid was a particular favourite, as was the piquant papaya salad.
The boy was equally impressed with the starters, raving about the light sweetcorn fritters, filo prawns and miniature spring rolls.
For main course I made a beline for the sweet and sour fish, which was succulent and not overly sweet. The crispy bean curd with cashew nuts and stirfried vegetables was also excellent, although the delightful crispness of Wok-fried vegetables is lost when dishes sit on a buffet table.
The better half tried a spoon of everything, reporting that the meat was of a high quality, and the curries well-balanced.
Puddings were irresistible - once again, impeccably presented on platters dressed in banana leaves. The mango cheesecake was sublime and the coconut tapioca refreshingly light.
For a true taste of royal Thai food - without the price tag - Sunday lunch at Thai Edge cannot be bettered.
Read more of my reviews, and other people's on www.gekko.com

• Customers can choose the Summer Special set menu throughout August for just £15 in the Birmingham branch of Thai Edge, with dishes such as Lamb Penang, Vegetable Mussaman, Pork in Garlic and Pepper, as well as favourites such at Thai Green Chicken Curry and Beef in Oyster Sauce on offer. To book go to www.thaiedge.co.uk/2009/07/29/special-15-per-person-set-menu-throughout-august/
  

Criminal Record

I'VE criminally neglected my own kitchen, eating out six times in six days.
My only mitigation is that I am single-handedly reviving the flagging British economy, even if that means purging my own bank account.
Here is the evidence....

Friday, July 17 12:30hours

Crime: Lunch Break (Like Prison Break, but with fewer tattoos)
Scene: Marks and Spencer Cafe Revive, High Street, Worcester
Accomplice: Breaking bread with best pal Claire
Evidence: Tomato and basil soup, granary bread roll, butter
Verdict: In the soup
Sentence: Prisoner Cell Block H (for hungry)

Friday, 19:00 hours

Crime: Bangkok Dangerous
Scene: Barton Arms, Newtown, Birmingham. Friday
Accomplice: The (Lady)Boy and I
Evidence: Tuk-tuked into tasty Thai food including prawn crackers, crispy squid with sweet chilli dip, chicken and cashew nuts with steamed rice.
Verdict: Belly like a Buddha
Sentence: Thai-me spent in the Bangkok Hilton

Saturday, July 18, 19:30hours

Crime: Battery
Scene: Mediterranean Fish Bar, Broad Street, Worcester
Accomplice (s): Couch potatoes (Mum, the Boy and me)
Evidence: Half a portion of fish, chips and mushy peas, with a litre of red sauce
Verdict: Caught red-handed
Sentence: Porridge

Monday, July 20, 17:30hours

Crime: Burger-lary
Scene: Gourmet Burger Kitchen, Mailbox, Birmingham
Accomplice: Mum and me
Evidence: Chilli chicken salad
Verdict: Chips are down
Sentence: The Lambshank Redemption

Tuesday, July 21, 13:00hours

Crime: Spending more dough
Scene: EAT, The Bull Ring, Birmingham
Accomplice: Mother and I
Evidence: Crayfish and rocket sandwich, garden vegetable soup
Verdict: Bread falls on the buttered side
Sentence: Knuckle sandwich

Wednesday, July 22, 19:30hours

Crime: Playing chicken
Scene: Nandos, Fiveways, Birmingham
Accomplice: The boy and his chick (me)
Evidence: Chicken breast in a pitta (lemon and herb), large green salad, corn on the cob, banana frozen yogurt
Verdict: Peri-peri naughty
Sentence: Chicken Run

Tell me your eating out crimes, including your partner's in crime, the evidence against you, and what sentence you are facing...

Ring me!

MAYBE it's the woman in me, but I've always liked foods that come in the shape of a ring.
Golden rings of pineapple. Yes please!
Glistening onion rings (au naturel, deep fried or the onion-flavoured maize snacks). Delicious!
Apple rings, ring donuts, Hula Hoops, spaghetti hoops, polo mints. You name it, if it's edible, circular and comes with a whole in the middle, I am on it.
But squid rings?
I've always been lead to believe that eating squid was the culinary equivalent to chewing a rubber band.
Besides, I couldn't get over the fact that it started life as something which looks like an ancient form of contraception.
Until about six month ago, when a friend ordered a pile of calamaris to share in a tapas restaurant, unaware of my aversion to the breaded rings of knicker elastic.
My first thought was 'great, that's one less plate to eat from', until she started to tuck into 'my' goats' cheese salad (can you tell I am not quite au fait with the idea of tapas?).
I lunged my fork into her crispy calamari, via the garlic mayonnaise, taking more than my fair share. I'd munch through these suckers... even if it takes all night.
However, it was a revelation. So good were they, we had to order another plate to sate my newly-found appetite.
And the love affair did not stop there. In fact, since then I've gone calamari crazy, I ate copious amount during a recent holiday in the Dominican Republic, and I even had some excellent crispy squid as a starter in the Barton Arms last night.
But I am yet to cook it myself.
I am frightened of buying it, chopping it up, cooking it
So I am asking for your help. I need recipes, tips... it's a love affair that I don't want to be responsible for ending in my own kitchen!
You could ring me... or just leave me a tip at the end of this post...

Joys of Jyotis

AS a young teenager I was best friends with an Indian girl, who I nicknamed Indie.
Our days together were spent listening to the ballads of Mariah Carey and Boyz 2 Men, while day dreaming of unrequited loves. And consoling ourselves with pizza.
Her mum used to ply us with pizza presumably because she thought that's what teenage girls wanted to eat. And generally, it was.
However, the gorgeous fragrances escaping her kitchen promised something far more exotic than your average margarita.
In hindsight, knowing what I know now of Indian cuisine, I wish I'd ventured past the kitchen door and delved into one of the giant pots bubbling away on the stove.
I also wish I'd sacrificed fewer hours to listening to Mariah Carey too, but that's a different blog post.
I was reminded of the intoxicating scent of Indie's home on my first trip to Jyoti's - a vegetarian Indian restaurant in the Hall Green district of Birmingham.
Despite it's humble interior (a bit like the back room of a shop, which technically it is - the front of the premises sells Indian sweets and treats) it's highly-regarded, with a list of celebrity fans such as Jamie Oliver and Anthony Worrall-Thompson, whose pictures take pride of place in the restaurant as if they were family portraits.
Service was swift and polite without being over familiar and we were delivered a jug of water as soon as we were comfortable.
We started with a selection of starters, including the fiery kachori - sumptuous little balls of deep-fried mixed lentils and peas in pastry, which was served with some excellent chutney.
We ordered some deliciously woody mogo chips too, as well as crispy samosas, and possibly the finest, freshest poppadoms we'd ever tasted. So many Indian restaurants serve up poppadoms which taste as if they are straight out of an out-of-date box labelled Sharwoods.
Our lips and tongues tingled with delight, while out tummies groaned with pleasure.
Main courses were just as flavoursome; the sauces evidently made from an expert blend of spices.
I tucked into the mouthwatering panner stuffed aubergines, accompanied by warmed chapatis and cumin rice, while the boy enjoyed the paneer bhurji, which was packed with the taste of ginger, garlic, cashew nuts and tomatoes.
Desserts such as homemade barfi looked sensational, and priced from 75p, were recession-busting to boot.
But our waistbands were already bursting, so it was time to bid farewell to this friendly family-run restaurant.
Had Mariah Carey been playing, it'd have been a real blast from the past!
For more details visit the Jyoti website at www.jyotis.co.uk

Escape to the Country

CLEARWELL sounds like the name of a place in a J.R.R Tolkien novel.

So it should be no surprise that this picturesque Gloucestershire shire village is buried in the Royal Forest of Dean, which is thought to have inspired Tolkien's Middle Earth.

I have to admit, when the boy and I first visited Clearwell in February - to attend a wedding at its regal castle - it felt like the back-end of nowhere

But this time, basking in glorious sunshine and with the evidence that summer is well on the way, we could fully appreciate Clearwell's natural beauty.

Richly scenic, the area also prides itself in producing some of the country's finest foods - from cheese (Double Gloucester, Stinking Bishop) to meat (Usk valley beef) and butter (Netherend Farm Butter).

And at the Tudor Farmhouse Hotel, in the heart of Clearwell, chef Blaine Reed is combining his cooking flair with his depth of knowledge on local produce (he was born in Cinderford).

The boy and I dined there on Saturday evening, while enjoying a short break at the Tudor Farmhouse Hotel.

The food was so good that it seemed sad that most of the restaurant's diners were - like us - hotel residents. Many were as wedding guests at the castle.

Having spoken to owner, Colin Fell, I know that he's keen to make the restaurant more of a destination for foodies, and with Blaine on side it's easy to see why.

The hotel is made up of a series of barn conversions (some dating back to the 13th century) and the boy and I felt the interior - particularly the restaurant - could do with reviving if it is to attract the discerning diners it desires.

We felt a touch of bright boutique chic could turn it into a destination for the Mr and Mrs Smith brigade. Right now it's a bit dark and a tad too chintzy.

This aside, the service and food was faultless, with the menu focusing on the freshest fare, cooked without unnecessary complications.

I was unable to resist the starter of local asparagus, with Parmesan Caesar dressing and toasted hazelnuts, while the boy chose the delicious beignets of Devon crab with honey pickled carrots and saffron herb dressing. Both were a joy.

I found my main course of Atlantic halibut with shaved fennel, tomato butter sauce and parmentier light and sublime, seriously impressed by the intelligent cooking of the fish.

Meanwhile, the boy dived into his plate of confit Cowshill Farm pork belly with black pudding with gusto. The accompanying butternut squash added a delectable sweetness, although he felt his mash needed an extra mustard.

For pud, I went off-menu, fancying the rhubarb compote from one dish and the Madagascan vanilla icecream from another. Accompanied by homemade butter biscuits, it was superb combination making the most of the new season rhubarb.

And before I had the chance to lean across the table to sample the boy's lemon creme brulee with blueberry mint jelly it had gone - so it must have been good.

Amuse bouche, pre-dessert and homemade petit fours with coffee added extra indulgence to the evening, and we certainly hit the sack with very happy tummies.
Rooms were charming and ours came with a luxurious jacuzzi tub and was stocked up with my favourite The White Company cosmetics.
The following morning we enjoyed a satisfactory breakfast, although we both agreed that the spread could do with a touch of the elegance we'd seen from the night before. Homemade - or locally produced jams - for example, would have transformed the offerings from ordinary to remarkable.
Tudor Farmhouse really is a superb place to stay, and dine. Service is exemplary and food is contemporary and prepared with flair. A few funky additions to the interior could lift it to the next level.
Foodies staying at the Tudor Farmhouse Hotel may also want to take advantage of foraging weekends with celebrity forager Raoul Van Den Broucke, from £75 per couple.
For more details on the Tudor Farmhouse Hotel visit www.tudorfarmhousehotel.co.uk

Local Produce for Local People

I LOVE nothing more than whiling away the hours at a farmer's market.
Here in Birmingham, we are very lucky to be frequented by decent farmer's market in one district, or another, pretty much every weekend.
I am never short of finding somewhere to pick up a punnet of freshly-picked blackberries, a homemade loaf of artisan bread, or a handful of venison sausages.
However, I was over the moon to discover that there's soon to be one just a stone's throw from my home.
And I throw stones like a girl.
From next Friday (May 29) there will be a monthly local produce market in BrindleyPlace, between 10am and 2pm.
My mouth is already watering at the glossy leaflet's promise of locally produced fruit, vegetable, wines and pastries.... and anything else I can lay my greedy mitts on!
The market is being organised by Sketts, who put on the regular produce fayres in Birmingham New Street, and Harborne High Street.
Sketts also host celebrated markets in Stratford-upon-Avon, Oxford and Warwick, so my expectations are high.
In June the market will be on Friday 26.
Here I come...!
For more details on the new BrindleyPlace market visit www.sketts.co.uk

Fitting the Bill

GOURMET Chick has just shared with me an exciting piece of news.
The fellow food fanatic says that Australian wonder-chef Bill Granger is planning to open a restaurant in London.
How flippin' exciting!
Bill has God-like status in my household and I partly attribute his Bill Granger Every Day cookbook for igniting my passion for food some two years ago.
Since then we have bought all but one of his books (only missing Sydney Food) and I regularly refer to them when needing new ideas for weekly meals.
His style is easy, fresh and - in the most part - very healthy. For anyone who hasn't yet worshipped at the font of Bill yet, expect lots of Asian-inspired salads and stir-fries, fabulous fish dishes and tantalising puds.
And, what is more, his recipes rarely contain more than a handful of ingredients. He just makes the most of them.
His food makes you want every meal to count.
The boy and I have discussed the possibility of a holiday in Oz next year, in which we'd make the pilgrimage to one of his Sydney restaurants - maybe all three.
Perhaps Bill will get to us first.
Do you know anymore? Let me know....

Wonky Thinking

IF there was ever a 'just for fun' magazine quiz to determine which character I was most like out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory I think I'd fall somewhere between Augustus Gloop and Veruca Salt.
I am not modest, meek or puke-inducing enough to be Charlie Bucket (even though he did win the ultimate prize at the end of the book/film so it could be worth peeking at the answers), and I don't watch enough telly to qualify as Mike Teavee. And while I have a fierce competitive streak, I am not as tomboyish as gum-chewing Violet Beauregarde.
I always liked rotund Augustus because - like me - he was a terrible glutton. And even though it ultimately ended his chocolate factory experience, I too would have dipped my face into Wonka's molten river of cocoa.
However, I can also be a foot-stamping diva so I'd have some affiliation with Miss Salt too.
And so in a round-about way I reach the point of this post - my first taste of Willie's new Venezuelan Caribe 72 per cent chocolate bar.
The boy bought me a bar of this beautifully-packaged chocolate the other night from Birmingham's Harvey Nichols - no doubt to satisfy my Gloop/Salt tendencies.
According to the shop assistant it's been a very popular addition to the store's confectionery line since the recent screening of Raising the Bar: Willie's Chocolate Revolution on C4.
For anyone who missed it, chocolate-maker Willie (as in William Harcourt-Cooze) has been trying to educate us Brits that 'proper' chocolate has very little in common with the cream and sugar-laden product we - as a nation - are getting tubby on.
Instead, his product is crafted from only the highest quality Venezuelan cocoa, cocoa butter and Cuban raw cane sugar, in an antique chocolate-making machine in Devon.
As I peeled back the golden wrapper I half expected to reveal my very own golden ticket, instead I found shiny almost-black coloured chocolate, which was so bitter I almost spat it out.
But as I persisted, I was rewarded with warm spicy notes and a full, more rounded flavour.
"You won't need very much," said the woman in the shop. "A little goes a long way." I looked at her sceptically.
But she was right. Not only did the chocolate disintegrate very slowly, it was substantially rich that one piece was enough (for now). Maybe the £3.95 price tag was justified.
Although I can't see Britain's taste buds adapting permanently to Willie's way, this is certainly a great addition to the growing demand for high quality chocolate.
Have you tried Willie's Cacoa? What did you think?
Most importantly which Charlie and the Chocolate Factory character are you most like?

In the Pink

'YUCK, it tastes like soil,' was my mantra if anyone dare offer me beetroot.
And as mother and the boy piled their plates high with the ruby root I would contort my face and make retching sounds, scouring disapprovingly at their pink-stained tongues.
In my opinion, it was the (beet)root of all evil.
But then a fortnight ago, at a family barbecue, it suddenly started to wink cheekily at me as it lay elegantly sliced upon a platter.
Dubiously, I sneaked a few slithers onto the corner of my plate, hiding it under a lettuce leaf so that it would fall under the radar - after all, there were plenty of plant pots I could slide them into should the need arise.
Like a secret agent I went unnoticed as I slid a piece into my mouth, and - cue dimmed lights and cheesy music - there I fell in love. Oui, je t'aime.
Now I am nibbling on the stuff for fun. I feel like I've hooked up with an old pal and we are making up for lost time.
So far I've indulged in only the pre-cooked vacuum-packed variety, usually eating them whole from the packet, or sliced with salad if I am being classy.
What else can I do with this humble root? I know it sits well with goats' cheese, and lamb, but am unsure how to best prepare it. Your ideas please....
One problem. My new love has turned my number ones into pink Champagne!